Bye Bye Nana

I went to the hopsital today. I don't remember being here before but Mommy told me this was the first place I ever was. Half of me came out of Daddy and went to find the other half that was hiding in her belly. The two parts of me waved when they saw each other and when they touched it made me. We came here to visit Mommy's Mommy. She was in a small bed that moved up and down and she was here for a long time. She looked different than I remember her. She wasn't fat like before and she smelled funnier than usual, which was still pretty funny. And she said she didn't remember me, but I think she was just playing games. We play hide-and-go-seek sometimes and sometimes when I find her hiding in the closet she pretends she's a different person and that I didn't really find her even when I did find her. Today she pretended I was a different person. She kept calling me Laura. Laura is Mommy's sister, but she lives in Toronto and I only visited her once and she bought me a book that I lost somewhere. After I talked to Nana for a minute a tall man I never knew before told us we had to go because they had to help my Nana and needed to do it in secret. We waited outside the room and Daddy went for a walk to the car to smoke a cigarette but I couldn't go with him even though it was really warm in here and I wanted to go outside. A nice woman brought me a juice and we smiled at each other for a long time. She was funny. It was boring out there and nobody around me was very happy. Maybe because it was so dark in here and it smelled funny. I didn't really like where I was too because I wanted to go to Sam's birthday party because we were supposed to see The Muppets and it looks funny. After a long time of not doing anything the first man came out and looked really sad but I don't think he was really sad but he pretended to be sad. He told Mommy that he was really sorry and I heard him say that even though he tried to not let me hear him. I thought he hurt Nana because he said he was sorry and Mommy started to cry a little bit but not a lot. But Mommy picked me up and hugged me a lot and told me the man didn't hurt her but that she was gone. I asked her where did she go and I don't know why but I thought she was going to say she went to the moon for a visit even though I don't think anybody goes to the moon because it's too small. Mommy laughed a little bit but she was still crying too so I wiped her eyes for her. That made her cry more so I thought I did something wrong but she told me I didn't do anything wrong. I wanted to see Nana again but after Daddy came back from going for another walk he told me I couldn't see her anymore. I asked when could I see her again and he said I couldn't see her ever again. That made me sad so I asked if she was mad at me but Mommy said she loved me a lot and wasn't mad at me so I felt better.

After a lengthy discussion with both of my parents concerning the issue, I believe I finally grasped why I could never see my grandmother again. Apparently, she had "died". This is a term used when a human, or any living organism for that matter, ceases to exist in this realm after a period of alert consciousness. People are able to "die" at any time, and a great portion of our lives is dedicated to preventing this death from occurring. One is composed of several vital organs, which include the heart, the brain, and other such internal structures that I have never seen but am told that I possess. These organs are capable of failing if not properly cared for, and when they become unable to perform their respective functions efficiently, the person's body and mind suffer greatly. Unfortunately, as we age, our chances of falling victim to the Grim Reaper, as death is occasionally personified, increases greatly, and very few of us are able to elude death beyond a century of life. My grandmother lasted just sixty-seven years, which is less than the average lifespan of a white female woman living in our country but is also much more than average human being on our planet. I am four-and-a-half years old, and my mother informed me that I would probably not die for a very long time and should not really concern myself with such matters at this time. However, since the process of death is as natural as life itself, I should learn about its causes and consequences in order to better cope with the deaths of those around me and especially those I love. I guess I'm glad I found out about death today, but discovering its existence is a scary, depressing thought, and I am afraid that it will consume much of my energy in the future, and not in a positive way.

Except this time, really, cause Grandma was a real bitch and didn't even get me a Christmas present last year and she has shitty candy in her house that she thinks are good but they're too hard and I hurt my teeth when I bite into them and they don't even taste good.